Growing again

**** this post was intended to be published in December of 2015 but was not; update coming soon****

I continue to keep changing directions with this blog but what can I say pregnancy hormones are pretty out of control.  

I guess I should back up a bit, yes, I'm pregnant again.  It's exciting and frightening at the same time.  Carrying a baby after a loss is really a difficult task.  Always wondering if this pregnancy will last.  Morning sickness was actually reassuring but on days I didn't feel sick I worried and wondered if I would experience another loss.  In my head I thought once I hit 12 weeks or 16 weeks or 20 weeks I'd feel better but honestly the worry never goes away.  Here I am at 28 week feeling baby move and still petrified that something can happen.  

A baby born after a loss is called a rainbow baby. M was a rainbow baby and so will be this little girl.  I feel her kick and hiccup and I know she's still in there but over the past few months there have been so many scary times.  Abnormal blood test results, areas of concern on the ultrasound, genetic counseling, some of those I met with through it all were not the most sensitive of individuals which made some things scarier than they should have been.  Now with 12 weeks to go only one more test to endure (glucose tolerance test) then we can only hope for smooth sailing.

I'll be honest, I don't enjoy being pregnant, I don't like feeling sick, I don't like that my body can't do all the things I want it to do, but mostly I do not enjoy the attention it draws.  I can write a whole post on the topic but I'll leave it at people think they can say/ask whatever they want to a pregnant woman and I'm about to punch someone in the face.

So back to my original reason for starting a new post, so I've decided this blog is all about just going with the flow and evolving.  There will be a lot of change going on in the next few months so I hope you join me for the ride.